Ex- Friends: Foe/ Strangers Or Still Friends? And Can I Forgive Myself For What I Have Done?

Friends can turn to foe or strangers if we do not trust each other and many others reason too! After two-three weeks of breaking,-up of the friendship, I decided to talk and asked for forgiveness and it happened yesterday. I talked to her and saw on her webcam...Still never change..look the same. (hehe..^^..)..She was that time got no mood. It was all cuz of her freakin BF lah! Killing 'hym' is my no.1 thing in my list but she said no need to punish..Later 'God' will punish hym( padan muka kau...how dare you mess with her feelings!!!! Tk per..nanti Tuhan marah kau ..kau punyer pasal lah)..Then, we talked and talked....talked a long time..don't wanna say a lot..lazy to write talk,talk.....She says she can be my fren again. But one thing that is stopping me. I keep asking myself..Can I forgive myself for what I have done for my actions?..Isometimes keep blaming myself for what I did and done.



To other people, they can just forgive themselves like that. like easy for them to say. As for me, it is dfficult for me to forgive myself. Why? I don't even know why....Sometimes, I can't even explain what I have done. If only someone who will just help me to forgive myself....

Gotta go!..I can't write anymore!
Aites!

The Day Is Here At Last! Yesterday Is Yet The Best!

YEAH! Today is the day that I have been waiting for. It is Valentine's Day and Yahoooo! I don't know why when it comes to that day, I am so Hyper!Today was the best day ever!( Yet stll depressed). It was a day before V.Day. I was prepared, I think?!Roses?Check!Presents?Check!V.day card? Check! Yup...I was prepared alright! Just Nervous!( feeling like peeing my pants...hehehehe!^^... but nah!)..This is the first and my last time doing this personally. My friend, Irwan helped though.( Thanks for your advcie and everything else!!^^...I really appreciate!..And thanks for being my friend too!)He asked my valentine to meet me behind my cca blk and tell her to come alone after school.After school finished, I ask Irwan whether can use his cologne cuz his cologne smells totally nice and long-lasting so when I meet her, I smell nice and body-odour-free. No girl likes a smelly, stinky boys so I put on....Wait for so long...and I ask Irwan to help me find her and he said he still she in class so I went up to see. I went in and when I was about to give, suddenly got teacher inside...Feels so much like a fool. Damn you 'cher'! I quickly ran out of the class and hid myself. Then I sms her what time she finished...Wait for a few mins, then she replied and said she just finished . Then she called but I didn't pick up cuz I was rushing down so get missed call.Then I sms her to meet me behind my CCA block alone...I want to give her personally ( like gentleman..hehe!) ...Then when she came she got my 2 roses that I ordered earlier...and I thought she never get so I go and get another 2 roses from school council...I was so shy that I was about to blush but cannot adnit my blush so I hid my blush and be confident. I gave her my gift and the card too! She said thanks ( but I think she won't admit anything...though I had a crush on her ever since last year..and 1 of my friends say I should 'kiss' her on the cheeks and cabut..but don't want. Later, she thinks I am weird and don't want to be my friend so I didn't do that...When 'we' become B..G.R , that's if we get to become(insyakallah/ hopefully)..then maybe can...I think about it first lah!) and she went off with her friends...Her friends were like so 'kepoh'/busybody like makcik when I gave her the gift....When she left, I also rushed cuz I was late for my Friday prayer! I had to ZOOM! to the nearest masjid a.k.a mosque . Luckily I made it in time...Phew! After prayers, I sms her I was late and she laugh..( don't let me tickle you..then you know!). I also tell hopefully she likes the gift...and she likes it..( Cute right?..like me right..Hei what I am telling this..Damn! I'm blushing!(rubbing my cheeks)..)Then I went back to school, got infocus..why got infocus ? If don't have, then better! I can follow my valentine( like she allows me like that!)....Kinda long story right? Hard to summarise lah! Must tell the whole story..then bettter..My 'summarisation' kinda difficult......That's it..I think I will never forget that day!

See Ya!
Mr FDT

A Close Friend Gone..A New Friend Will Come And Damn You, Yani And Irwan!

After losing a close friend, I was really upset and sad about it...I checked my friendster and saw this girl...She was my brother's friend cousin! Now we talked like almost like close freinds but not that close and I cannot tell her name..later she very shy..i just call her 'she'. 'she' is a friendly,caring ...not too mention cute..serious ..she has a cute laugh and a a cute smile, and she sa i good-looking , freindly caring...I was blushing like .my face was so red.. Now back to my post.Yesterday,after school, I went to follow my friend, with his girlfriend( Mrs Tiger!) and also one of our friends go and makan at Parkway Parade. Took no 31 beside our school and go to the bus stop. My friend and his gf playin around..i jealous ahh..still single. I called 'she' cuz i was bored to death..Inside the bus, 'talk','talk',talk' and inside the bus my friend duduk dgn his new gf, after askin his gf sister permission to 'state' with her. My other friend, Farhan, sat behind me...and then I continued to talk to 'she'. Then I saw my friend like kissing her...I was like GROSS! AND EEWWW! and inside the bus....that's my new nightmare seh! I even tell my friend and I was shocked..till I myself was awed. But they were talking to each other ear.....but I didn't believe.....until now I just can't forget it.AAAHHH! What's wrong with me? Damn! Then when reached Parkway Parade, I gotta go back my home cuz my little bro and my little sister want to come home and the house door was locked. That's what my mum said so I quickly apologized to my friends and rushed back like hell!



By the time I reached home, they were inside the house. My 1st ygr brother inside. Damn! Go back for no reasons and damn to my brother.His prepaid low. Now let's talk about 'she'. Talking to her was the best. She said one of her friends' wan to 'tackle' me but it was a joke. LOL! I feel like talking to her everyday and I don' t know why. Today, i was quite okae. Only after skool, i was mad. I met yani near the canteen seorang and to come alone. After I admit everything , she said she will tell my valentine and then my surpise is all over. Irwan, damn your adik angkat cannot keep secrets is it? Abang angkat tk tahu jaga adik ke?( chinese people, you do not need to know these cos it is malay..dduhh.). On Friday , it is the time I give my presents and I cannot wait for that day to come..

Signing off,
Mr FDT

I Had A Great Time When Suddenly I Lost A Friend, I Lost My Mum's Trust.....What Will I Lost Now?

I had a great time yesterday. I went out with my freinds, Irwan ,Farhan and Danial. We were supposed to meet at the Tampines MRT AT 1...they came late..damn you...wait for so long like around an hour! When they came, we go to TM, not tampines mall..hehe...We walk2 around..go Mini Toons , the shop nxt to it..urban concepts...i and irwan finding our gift for our valentine...i gotta find something for my valentine..has to be cute( like me ..hehehe!!) . After that , we go Century Squrare and go makan2 frist..we all hungry til our stomach growling...GGGRRR!!! Me and irwan eat prawn noodle....then danial eat spaghetti( ekh tk kenayng(full) ekh?) After that, we went to Lovely Land....WOW got a lot of things to buy man! We took about 45 mins (max) in there. For me..i bought a present and a card too....sorie I cannot tell what it is...Only my valentine would only knows..if u know who is my valentine ......Then we decided to go where next..White Sands, Causeway Point( no way too far!), Parkway Parade...Set!..We go there take bus 31 and we walked there. Then I go and take money from POSB bank..( damn must bring money nxt time). Then we go eat abit at Long John Silver...There we saw one of our friends, Namirah. She was like cleaning ...kesian nyer....i pity her ...After eating, irwan help by helping with Namirah by throwing our rubbish..what a helpful friend I and Namirah and Farhan and Danial have...Then we go walk2 around..danial and irwan talk so private....( Korang ckp aper ahh..discuss dgn kiter ahh)...Then we thought of going Danial's house and we took bus 31 again and go back to tamp interchange. Once I reached there, I went to toilet at Mac. Then Farhan call and say everybody went home..(damn lah u all!). Then the worst thing happened., I lost a good friend, a very close friend. She is my special freind Now, I can't longer contact her anymore and I don't know why. I think it's her friends and her mum. To them, I am like distarcting and irritating her. which may affect her studies. To me, I did not do anything wrong to her. I only invite her to go eaat with me and she say no. I understand that but her friends don't understand me at all. After 3 months of knowing her, it is like our friendship has now longer. It's like a part of me has disappeared just like that. I never did anyhting wrong and now she won't longer be my friend anymore. I feel like crying .........after 3 months, is that long? Knowing her after these months, I thought we are good friends but now ,we are now like starngers to each other. After that, it is like I never knew her at all! I thought I had some feelings for her......Just forget it lah

Then after that, I lost my mum's trust. I didn't tell the truth...and lied to her. I said that one for my fren and she can detect whether people is lying. Damn...after that, my parents tech me and we went to E!hub and go bowl but not me. I go to arcade and play a lot of games...Then my parents and my sibilings at the bowling area. Then my dud want to talk to me like why i lie, and ask who was it for...after talking, then he decide to talk to my mum....And my mum understood. Then I was okay...Now what? I do know what to do..

Gotta go.
See ya!

Now, My Heart Is Truly Broken. Can It Be Mend? Or Not?

Today was the WORST day ever! After school, I was supposed to meet my special friend for lunch and I was late. Once I reached the Simei MRT, she waited for me, together.with her friends. I was so shy that I moved to one side and she came alone to me. Then she told me I was late and she needed to go back to school to see her history teacher. I said one day, we will eat with each other. Then, she went off with her freinds and went back to school and I went back to school to see my Drama friends/crew. In the MRT, I felt like my heart was broken and I can hold onto it. Once I reached my Drama area, I started to cry. I can't take the pain away from my heart. My instructor saw me and I told her everything and her boyfriend also knew. Sometimes, I can't control my emotions and people won't understand my feelings but I DON'T CARE! I sms my school friend and asked for help but he want to be alone with his girl-friend ( not girlfriend yet ). What kind of friend? Duirng the Drama, I was like no mood and do not want talk to any of my Drama friends except for my instructor and her boyfriend.Then, one of her freinds called and told me to stay away from her and said I got no time with her. Once she hanfg up, I was even mad and felt like SCREAMING LIKE HELL! I was like what the hell and felt like dropping by handphone.That was the only chance that I can have lunch with her and now, I can't. Finally, my heart is broken. I was speechless and can barely speak. I thought it could go according to plam but in the end, it turned to a disaster. I thought we are freinds? What now? Are we still freinds or strangers to each other ?
I wanted to cool off...I tried to close and went to sleep. End up sleeping an hour and a half. After waking up , I left for home, I still felt that my heart was still broken.

If you are reading this, my special freind, you seriously broke my heart. This is my frirst and last chance to go out with you for lunch. Your friends should not scold me,..you know what they said. It really makes me sad and angry at the same time. They say I should not layan you. Did you agree with that? If you agree, then you seriously break my heart into million pieces. If you disagree...then ..I don't know hat to say as I am now sppechless and .Sorry.....I can't continue writing this..It is too painful for me to continue on.....

Dear viewers, I am sorry if I can't finish my post. It is painful. to carry on writng this post and to me, it is emtional .Anything jsut post comments on my friendster: Mr FDT Was Born..(AAAHHHH!!!!!!)

Really sorry.

What Do I Do Now? Hurt Him Or Save Her?

I am now in distress. Two days ago, my special friend called me and told me her problem. After hearing it, I felt fed-up and ous towards her boyfriend. I felt like KILLING him badly and make sure his face will be broken. She was crying so badly that she made me cry too. If I knew where he stays, I'll make sure I chased after him and make him say sorry to my friend. She said her heart was broken and he is the only one who can mend or heal her heart. I gave her some advice and I ran out of advice. In school, I was so fed up that I can barely concentrate on my studies and the same time I pity her a lot. I know how it feels though I had never been in a B.G.R before. At that night, we talked through Messenger and talked about her problem. It's like choosing between friends or family and it's really hard to choose. If I hurt him, he cannot talk because I will broke his face by then and if he cannot talk, how he wanna to talk to her?

Maybe I talked to her when I go out with her for lunch next,next Monday. And I hope her relationship with her boyfriend will last forever til' the Day of Love: Valentine' s Day which is 3 weeks and 3days and counting. If she cries again, I'll make sure I will run like hell and chase her boyfriend and ( my special friend boyfriend, if you are reading, BETTER WATCH OUT!!!). Even, at this very moment I am mad. As for my friend, you should call him Now!! and talk to him. If you don't feel confident, how are you going to end your problem? Want me to talk to him? Of course, you will say NO! so be brave and call him, OKAY?

Gotta Go...See ya. And please do comment .....
Signing off
Yours faithfully, Mr F.D.T

One Day, She Will Be Mine And Always Be In My Heart

It's been a long time since I call her my dear. It was a month since I met her and right now, she has a boyfriend and as for me, I am just a friend that was left behind. I still cared for her though she has a bf and hoped she will study hard so she will go to a polytechnic/ JC so as to get a course that she liked. As for me, I have to study extremely hard as I have 8 more months to go to my O level exams but there is something distracting me.Maybe is my feeling for her because what can I think is only her and that's all. I just don't know why I can't stop thinking about her . Is it wrong to do this or is it just love? I cannot control this feeling and I wondered how am I supposed to control this feeling. Valentine's Day is coming and I can't wait for that day and she too can't wait. Sometimes, everyday I feel like our friendship between me and her are drifting away like the stormy sea, blowing a ship. On the 13th Feb, I will recommend giving a lot of love songs to the radio and celebrate that day. She will be going out with her new boyfriend on the actual day and will have a romantic day together while as for me, I will stay at home. Now, I am kind of jealous that she has a boyfriend and I, myself donn't even know why.

In my school, it's windy and when it blew my face, it reminds of my memories of her like meeting her. talking to her on my handphopne and lots of more. It was like the first time we taled and it is as if it was yesterday. I missed her so much that I wanna hug her a lot and wished not to let go. I don't know what to say right now and at the same time very emotional. I will one day wished upon a star that she will be mine and always be mine in my true heart one day.

New Boyfriend, New Bodyguard On Standby!

Hey there, viewers. Mr F.D.T is here. Well, you hvae known and read the last post. For my heart, it is stll leaking out. I don't know how much I can take. I'm later calling the doctor. Few days back, she went out with her new boyfirend and you all knew what HAPPENED?! OMG!! They went to the park together and so romatic ( sorry, can't name the park) and guessed what they did. I am not going to tell as it is a private thing that they did and she might scold me or even worse won't be my freind forever. So I am not going to tell, I hope you, viewers understand why. It is hard to make new friends especially her as she si the girl that I can share my problems with unlike those in my school and in my class. They won't help to solve any of my problems of mine. She is the most understanding to me. Not even my closet freinds will be as close as her.

I told her to warn her new boyfriend to make her sad or break her heart but she didnn't so I telling you publically( refering to my speciual freind boyfriend and don't be a blur 'sotong'). I'm serious about and don't take a joke on this. I swear it WON'T BE PLEASANT WHEN YOU MESS WITH ME!!!!! YOU BETTER NOT PLAY WITH HER HEART OR BREAK HER HEART OR EVEN MAKE HER CRY AND IF YOU DO, I'M COMING FOR YOU SO WATCH YOUR BACK!!!! Now, back to my post, I will be on standby and friend( refering to my special freind), if anyhting happens, just call me anytime and don't hesistate to call me alright. I definitely pick up my handphone. Alright, gotta study ...

Any comments? Post it to my freindster: MR FDT WAS BORN
Gotta go!

My Feelings For Love Will Be Gone In A While.....

Yesterday was like another sad day ever for me. Yesterday, my dear and I were talking through Messenger and talked. When she said she went out with her 'mataer'( or in English: darling), I was shocked and was if my life was pulled back. I suddenly stopped time again and asking to myself, if she went out with mataer, then what does that makes me? I knew her about a month and 2 weeks and counting and she replied I was her special friend that lies in heart. I was confused and at the same time, angry. Then when no one was home except me, I screamed out loud in the house. Then, she started to piss me off and makes me screamed louder thna before. But I have to control myself and in my mind, my dear using her sweet and beautiful voice and her cute smile on her she helped me to calm msyelf down.This morning, she repied that the mataer is the guy that I didn't know.

I felt kind of suspicious( and dear if u are raeding , no offense). In her friendster,I replied back of asking her for exaple how old is he? He is in which school? I was feeling that I want to know more about him. Kinda weird right? Right now and this very instant, I felt that my heart of feelings has a small hole and it is leaking out slowly.I asked her when to call the doc as she knew the doct well and can prescribed me what to cure it. I will be waiting for her answer really soon.As for now, I, msyself as the victim is trying to stop the leak and I don't know how much longer I can hold. I hoped that she can give the answer before it's too late. As for the Valentine's Day, now I am not sure whether to give or not to give her my gift to her. I am now in confusion at the moment so I will have to think about it. I am now struggling, holding my heart of feelings and I don't know how much longer I can hold.

So is there anything to comment? Just post it on my friendster and just leave a comment.

Gotta go, signing off.

Mr F.D.T

Busy! Busy! Busy!

Starting on this Tuesday, my life will be turn upside down big time. I gonna be bsuy as I will have infocus aka remedial / extra classes as I will be having my O levels exams ina few months time in the early Oct to . Too bad for me as I can't celebrate my 17th birthday as it collides with my exams. I seriously hate infocus but I do not have any choices and if I don't have attend, I msut give an MC or else BIG trouble. It is tiring, just to stay back for extra classes and especially during June holidays where we have to go back to school for the 4E/5N as we have to prepare for the exams. As for this coming Monday, the 4E and the 5N in the year 2008 will be coming back to school to get their results of the O levels and so are the current 5N( Mother tongue and E Maths). The 5N will be getting their N levels certificates by earliest 15 February and I can't wait to get my certificate.Yahoo!!!!!.I now have to study very hard to get very good results for my O level exams so as to get to go to a good polytechnic and getting a course that is good for me.

Especially on the 13th of February, I will hoped(Muslim word: berdoa)that there will be no infocus as so that to see my valentine and give her my gift.I also hoped that during that day, I will go back with her, taking the same bus and seating together.I hoped it will go according to plan. I hope it does as that is the last time I'm going to see her for the next 7-8 months.( Crying......).Damn me! I can't think of anything else to write...Oh well, do comment me okay, viewers at my friendster...

My Saddest Day of My Life

Yesterday was the worst day of my entire life.Yesterday night, I and my dear were chatting online through MSN Messenger for an hour or so. We began chatting about school, our life and lots of many other stuffs. Then after that, we talk to each other through poetry which was interesting.We started saying romance poems, slowly starting to change poems from romance to sad and emotional poems that I, myself started to cry. Two poems that I knew that she wrote to mebut I can only tell you one only. One was,' When you see the full moon, that's when you know how much I love you but as moonlight fades, my love for you disappears, I' sorry'. By this poem, I was crying a lot of tears until I cried no more.That was the saddest poem I had in my whole life!.Yet I replied her back but I won't tell you viewers what I said to her as it is personal between us both. Before we signed off, I tel to have agood night sleep and sweet dreams. Lastly saying to her: 'Good night my love of my life' and she replied back: 'Good night my love and friend'. That to me was the most beautiful and nicest phrase that anyone told me.Before I shut down my computer and press the Enter button, I tell myself that I will not forget what I chat with her.

After shutting down my computer, I went outside of my home and saw a star. I wised on that star, I wihsed I will see her again during Valentine's Day and in future. If I were to make another wish, it would be to make her to be my GF one day. Before I sleep, I pray my last prayer( Those Muslim who knows it is Isyak) and wished( doa) that I see her again in my dreams. Even before I sleep, I still kpet crying as I remebered the chat. After a a few minutes, I stopped and went to sleep.Today, I went to school with no mood to talk. During recess, after eating, Iwent to a secret place and asked how to solve my problem. I cared about my dear and my exams as well. In addition I have no freedom unless frinds invite to go out.I hope I will find a solution but yesterday was the Saddest day of my whole life and I would like to share,As for my dear, Ican't mention her name as it is a promise to be kept between me and her.

Loneliness In My Life..

Hi viewers..Mr FDT is here. I want to tell you some part of my life ..sometimes in school , I feel lonely though I have friends in school and also in my friendster and so forth..but I feel that I was on the only boy in the entire world in my heart.In class, everybody talks to each other and I see them talking a lot but by looking at them, I felt that no one bothered to talk to me like as if I don't exist in the class though I was the chairperson of the class..Sometimes the class don't even show respect when I asked them to stand up to greet the teacher...they behaved like animals especially those like a boy in my class who think he is so 'pekak' or deaf in Malay(no offence)...and those in my friendster which some of them in my school won't talk to me and I know they will be busy sometimes but they should talk to me once.........

Why can't my friends talk to me? When I'm in my own world, everybody is friendly with me and talks to me but in reality, they talked to their friends and ignored me. I feel empty in my heart and the only person in my school...'O' level exams are coming and the pressure is on to me. Those who are true friends would noticed me and would talk to me either by handphone/sms/talk to me in person/.... I don't know what to do now or where to go. Where are my friends when I need their help?

A New Friend And A New Year For Me

HI viewers, Mr FDT IS BACK!!!!! 3 DAYS TO sCHOOL AND i'm going to sec 5 which means this coming year i will be bz like helll...as i have to work extremely hard for my o lvl exams as i want to have less points maybe 12-15 points will do but i get to still see my school frineds( yipee!!!!)and still get to talk to them ......

Few weeks ago, I met a new friend but i can't tell her name, it's a secret and a promise between i and her....and by her, u shld know it's a girl...okay but to the story, i met thru msn messenger and she had a bf ...we got to know each other for 1-2 weeks and one day she broke up with her bf and was very sad....but then i decide to uhm wat u say in malay 'puji' or console her and she told me what happened....after telling hers story, i felt angry to her ex bf..seriously giving him a punch in the face and make sure his face is broken...from there on, i get to know her better and knowing her and becoming a new friend we started to call and sms to her....and i maybe i have some feelings for her deep inside my heart.....and i sms her that we will meet face to face after the first day of school...and it would be a surpise to me as i haven't seen her face...but she had a sweet voice and a cute laugh.....i don't know what she will think of me though....hope she will say good things about me....and she already call me( guess the word and if you do not know/think you might know, ask me) ...

Gotta go now....hope you as viewers read these post and i u want to post a comment on this.please post it on my friendster: Mr FDT Was Born....hope you will reply....

Bye...

hi again...it's been long

hi everyone, it's been a l;ong time since i left a post...i had jus finish my n lvl exams and i was stressful....cuz it was the exams of my life and so is everybody in my class...i hopefully hopem to go to sec 5 nxt year and those in my skool , i hope to see u all again...now i hacve this feeling inside me that i can't explain...i dun know....the day tat change me 4ever is the 13th of december 2008..the day tat i get my n lvl cert( !nervous!)and now school's over.....

So enjoy your holidays....and hope to see u nxy year(referring to those in my school)

See ya....( Asta La Vista...)

Hi again...

hi viewers ,who are seeing my blog, .... it' s been a while that i post my last commnet...i've been quite busy with a loy of things like my n lvl exams, and so forth.....forgot to tell you all..a few back...i saw danial ashriq, the guy from mostly in kids central, with his crews playing bowling...some more next to my lane... then he changed to another lane cus.. i think he saw looking at him all the time...but n.v.m...then a few months back...i saw the cast of the First Class like Scott, Shanice Nathan, Hafiz and ......can't remember the chinese boy name....


Ican't believe it..you know.....well..i going to be busy for the next few weeks...i hope u, viewers, will see my blog and post comment on my friendster.My friendster name is Mr FDT was born.


See you later...Signing off

Mr FDT